Delirious on a 90 degree evening, a few neighbors decided we should develop alter egos to suit our adopted city. In the vein of stripper names, we will devise a rubric to map our given names with assumed Baltimore names. These names are, naturally, derived from characters on The Wire . The rules:
1. If your name is short, you’ll need to change it up for a nonsensically onomatopoeic moniker:
Ada = Aay-Bay (Reference: Roland “Wee-Bay” Brice)
Rose = Ray-Ray (Reference: La La)
2. If your name is longer than 1 syllable you will go by an abridged version. Select one phonic element and repeat it. (Reference: Damien “Day Day” Price)
Adrijana = Ja Ja
3. If you have a long last name, you’ll riff off that. (Reference: Preston “Bodie” Broadus)
Anna = Crystal (alternate spelling: Cristal)
Sean = Fizz
4. If your name is innocuous in itself, you may add a large denomination associated with narcotics trafficking. (Reference: John “Johnny Fifty” Spamanto)
Emma = Emma Eight Ball
5. If you’ve got a last name that begs to be punned, let that drop. (reference: Russell “Stringer” Bell)
Jess = Cutty
6. If you’re a schemer, make this clear. (Reference: Proposition Joe)
Nahyun = Prop Cho
7. Sometimes one simply adds dawg. (Reference: O-Dog)
Radhar = R- Dogg
8. Speaking of dogs… If character is frequently emitting gas, denote this quality. (Reference: Stinkum)
Foxy Brown = Stinks
Sidebar: Hmm, she already had that nickname. She’s just so Baltimore. Other suitable Wire names for the blind one on the block: Dukie, Squeak, Bird, Cheese
Other names to assign as we see fit: Country, Bird, Muggs, White [firstname], Fat Face, Puddin’, Truck, Shamrock, Fruit, Bunny, Slim.
Cristal’s Cat = Muggs?
Perhaps a data program can be written to model this on a population basis.
haha I absolutely LOVE it!
at first I thought you meant that my name was begging to be punned and you wanted to call me ball sacks. but let’s stick with eight ball. I think it will lend itself really well when I decide to start a rap career. e8b. album drops fall 2099.
crystal’s little friend is named ozzie, which fits so nicely that I think it’s further proof that he wants to be a Mt V Cat. if he moves to DC, he may get renamed Arlen. or was its elfin equivalent not on our list of potentials?
xox
8ball
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